Posted in About the Author

Common Sense (An Introduction to my Job) 2015

Today, I waxed.

I waxed the hallways, the cafeteria, the classrooms and there’s still more things to wax. I’m honestly surprised my boss doesn’t run around yelling at my waxing partner and I to WAX ALL THE FLOORS!, just like the meme says. Daily I’m called a waxing fool because of my ability to keep track of my times for each hall and how I can keep track of each coat I’ve done no matter the amount of rooms or halls. Huh, the “waxing fool”, it doesn’t really flow out of the mouth very well.. it’s like word vomit, it just doesn’t sound right.

He periodically checks in on me (as if waxing is such a hard thing to do). Honestly, he makes me uncomfortable.. you know, with all the winking and the awkward compliments on my wax job. It just isn’t right but it’s just his personality and his aura that gets me. He’s just awkward. I’m awkward. Watching me wax is awkward. Just. Awkward.

Today I waxed so much I started getting calluses on my hands and tennis elbow. My once pretty, girly hands are now becoming rough and gross. Kind of like man hands. They’re depressing to look at but at least now no one can tell me that I’ve never done hard labor before. It’s exhausting. This job is exhausting. If it’s not waxing, it’s buffing. If it’s not buffing, it’s cleaning. If it’s not cleaning, it’s moving furniture. Oy vey, just typing about this job is exhausting but you know what? It’s a job. It pays the bills and I only have about nine more months of it before I can let it go let it goooo (what can I say, I have a three year old sister).

Yesterday, it was buffing. Today, it was waxing. Tomorrow? it’s probably still going to be waxing. Now I understand why one might ask, “what else do you do? why do you always wax?” well there are teams. Teams to deep scrub, teams to clean the bathrooms, teams to move furniture, teams to shampoo carpets. We have to clean 8,704 square feet of school, somebody has to wax it.

It may seem my job is easy peasy but in reality the only thing that should be in the checklist when applying  for this position is if you have any common sense and the ability to remember things you just said either ten minutes ago, the night before or a couple of days ago. We seem to repeat things that have been said pretty often and we also seem to not realize what our top priority is before we start a new task. See, if you want to wax then don’t wax yourself in a room, hallway or even a gym. If you need to wax somewhere by a room that needs to be moved in, then wait to wax and then move in the furniture so the wax doesn’t get screwed up. It’s all common sense. There’s no way to grow into it or learn it, it’s just supposed to come to you. For instance, would you wash your car right before a thunderstorm? The answer is obvious, unless you’re going to consistently drive under tunnels or a vehicle sized umbrella to keep it clean, then no. Having a lack of common sense doesn’t make you any less educated than people who do, you just need to keep your priorities in line before you start coming up with crazy projects. I realize how I must be sounding while my many anonymous viewers read this post, but I’m not trying to come off as “stuck-up” or “egotistical”, I just think we should all think before we act.

This job is entirely made up of “monkey see, monkey do” antics and there is nothing wrong with that at all because if it wasn’t, then nothing would get done the right way. You’re taught how to clean classrooms, how to buff, how to keep track of things, if you don’t watch someone do it before you attempt to do it yourself then how do you know if you’re doing it right? Sure you come up with your own techniques, your own rhythm, which is great because repeating the same thing over and over can get boring quick.

I’ve worked at this job for almost a year now and I’m sure I’m fully capable of writing a book about each day, each joke, each trip to the gas station during break and each sarcastic comment. I swear, we could fill up the pages of one of those joke encyclopedias that you find next to a toilet. Honestly, if it wasn’t for my entertaining coworkers I probably would’ve left this job a long time ago. I love most of them as it they were my family. Sure they all drive me crazy sometimes, but that’s what family does. I’m not going to be cheesy and name off each and every one of them because after all.. I don’t know who all has access to this.


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